I should have kissed you
by rockclimberFVE
Summary: A series of one-shots based on different NCIS episodes seasons 3-10 that have moments when Tony and Ziva should have kissed.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Ok Guys so here is a new story I have been thinking about for a while. For those of you reading my other story Mutual Nightmares, I have not abandoned it. I am just a little stuck at the moment, and so I decided to try and write something else to get over my writers block…. Sorry! I will update it soon.**

**Anyway… This story will be a series of one-shots about different episodes of NCIS. Each one will be about when I think Tony should have kissed Ziva or vise versa. This story was inspired by a fan fiction for the Castle fandom called "Kiss Me Castle" so if you watch that show too, you should definitely check it out. **

**-Soph**

**AN2: When things are in italics it symbolize quotes from the show: bold is Ziva talking, normal is Tony.**

* * *

**Season 6 Episode 8**

**_Oof. That one hurt._**

_No it didn't. Didn't we get our fill of secret agendas and lying and manipulation during the previous administration? _

**_Look, I too had hoped things would be different by now…_**

_I'd like to go up and give Vance a piece of my mind._

**_The way you're losing it I don't think you have enough to spare!_**

_I'd take that tooth pick of his and shove it up Sec Nav's cigar…_

**_Ha. You have had enough of this job then?_**

_I like the job! I don't like the politics! Wasn't kidding about that part earlier._

**_If you had ever had some military training then maybe you would have learned to FOLLOW ORDERS!_**

_WHAT LIKE YOU!? WE WERE GIVEN A DIRECT ORDER NOT TO ENGAGE! I RECALL THAT YOU WERE THE FIRST TO ONE TO THROW A PUNCH! _

**_IT WAS A REFLEX!_**

_Hm. Really? Then what happened after? Last thing I remember before the lights went out was YOU kimbo-slicing through a room full of guards. Was that a reflex?_

**_YES it was! Gun shot went off. I saw you…. (takes a shaky deep breath)_**

_I'm tired of pretending. _

**_So am I. _**

_It's dinner theater for an audience of one. When's the curtain go down?_

* * *

Ziva watched as Tony stormed off the elevator, but she was too upset to follow him. She let out a shaky breath. How could she have let that slip? In the heat of the moment she had come far too close to revealing far too much. When did I become so attached to him? She thought hopelessly to herself. Between finding herself staring at his lips to instantly fighting off guards to protect him this last mission had made one thing clear to her; she was desperately in love with Tony. Sighing she leaned back against the side of the elevator, watching the doors slowly close. As the numbers ticked by, getting closer and closer to autopsy she reached out and flipped the emergency switch.

The diming of the lights was calming and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How had everything gotten so messed up? Why was the administration lying to them again? Ziva cringed slightly at the last time the director had used Tony in a mission. Jeanne. She could tell that he really fell for her. He stopped his one night stands and spent every second he could with her. She supposed that was when it all started, when she began to realize that she had romantic feelings for her partner.

She tried to deny it, not wanting to admit she liked her partner, especially when he seemed so happy for a change. She settled for being quietly jealous, and outwardly helpful. When she started to realize that she just wanted Tony to be happy it dawned on her that she could no longer deny her feelings for him. So when she was sent back to Israel she had a fling with one of her fellow Mossad Agents. It was simple. No strings attached sex, but over time she did grow to like Michael. Ziva left Israel thinking that maybe she had finally found someone she could be happy with, but then she saw him.

The second she saw Tony again she realized she couldn't just forget him that easily, and she was angry. It was clear he still wanted nothing to do with her and she couldn't stop herself from loving him. She sighed again. It had been a long couple of days and she just wanted to go home. Flipping the emergency switch she squinted against the lights as they came back on; the brightness was a stark contrast to the darkness swimming behind her eyes. As the doors opened she strode out into the now empty bullpen. Looking around she saw no signs of McGee or Gibbs, so she walked over to her desk, shut down her computer, grabbed her bag, and headed for her car.

* * *

Meanwhile Tony was driving aimlessly around the city. When he left NCIS he was furious. There were few things Tony really hated, and being lied to and be used were definitely at the top of the list. He had stormed out of NCIS and gotten in his car fully intending to drive home and watch a movie like he always did, but half way there something made him pause. He would be going home to an empty apartment. This infuriated him even more because it reminded him of all he had lost with Jeanne, so he took a right instead of a left and had been driving around DC ever since.

He knew that the real reason he was mad was because of Jeanne and how badly things had ended with her the last time a director had used him, but he also knew that he was partially to blame. He broke the number one rule about going undercover; don't get attached. He sighed thinking Gibbs probably had a million rules that would relate to that and he broke those too, but right now he was just too tired to think of them.

After his initial anger dwindled and he could finally think straight he realized he had made a complete circle around DC. As he stopped at a red light near NCIS his mind wandered back to his screaming match in the elevator with Ziva. Running through the conversation in his mind he could remember everything that happened. He remembered Ziva punching the guard. He chuckled, she definitely was the one to throw the first punch. But he stopped laughing abruptly when he remembered what happened next. The guard had hit him in the face with the butt of his gun and knocked him to the floor and even through his fuzzy vision he remembered seeing Ziva fighting valiantly trying to protect him before a 3rd guard came in and finally knocked her out.

He had yelled at her for attacking the guards, but in hind sight she really was acting on instincts, her Mossad assassin instincts, but instincts no less. He rested his head against the wheel closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. A car horn roused him from his musings and seeing the green light he quickly slammed on the accelerator. He continued to drive slowly around DC thinking about the rest of their heated conversation. As he watched the houses roll by the song on the radio changed. It started out slow, a boy and a girl singing:

Face to face and heart to heart  
We're so close yet so far apart  
I close my eyes I look away  
That's just because I'm not OK

But I hold on

I stay strong  
Wondering if we still belong

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Just as he reached over to switch the station he heard something that made him stop.

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be pretending?

Tony dropped his hand and almost hit the car in front of him. Slowly he pulled over and listened to the rest of the song.

How long do I fantasize?

Make believe that it's still alive

Imagine that I am good enough

And we can choose the ones we love

"The heart wants what the heart wants" Tony thought sadly to himself as he closed his eyes and set his head back against the head rest.

But I hold on

I stay strong

Wondering if we still belong

Will we ever say the words we're feeling?

Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Then it hit him. He had said those same words to Ziva just hours before. Sure he had meant it in the context of work, but she had agreed. Looking back he realized she wouldn't have been talking about pretending for NCIS, at least not the way he was. Tony also realized he might have meant more than he thought too.

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be

Keeping secrets safe

Every move we make

Seems like no one's letting go

Jeanne. He thought sadly. Had he really let her go? The more he thought about it the more he realized he wasn't mad about Jeanne anymore. He was mad about not being able to find someone he loved that loved him back. He had liked Ziva long before Jeanne ever came into the picture, but he knew she was too big of a risk because there was basically no chance she felt the same way, but these days he wasn't so sure. There was the jealously with Jeanne, and her insistence to protect him, like it was her duty.

And it's such a shame

'Cause if you feel the same

How am I supposed to know?

That's when it hit him. This song wasn't about Jeanne, or NCIS it was about Ziva. It was about the fact that Ziva cared about him. A lot. Way more than a coworker should. It was the only thing that explained all of her behavior and choices during their last mission. He sat up and started the car again as the song continued to play.

Will we ever say the words we're feeling

Reach down underneath and tear down the walls

Will we ever have a happy ending?

Or will we forever only be pretending?

Screw rule 12 Tony thought to himself as he took a right instead of a left for the second time that evening, but this time his direction change had a purpose. He was finally beginning to realize just how tired of pretending he really was. He might not have known it at the time, but that exchange between them was one of the most honest things they had ever said to each other. They were simply tired of pretending they didn't have feelings for each other. He wanted his happy ending, and he had a growing suspicion that Ziva was that ending.

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-ways, al-al-al-ways be

Pretending? Oh! Pretending?

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be, al-al

Pretending? Pretending?

Tony pulled up to Ziva's apartment building just as the last lines of the song were playing and as he looked up at her window and had his first pause since the song came on. What if he was wrong? What if she didn't feel that way? Ever since Wendy left him at the altar Tony had strayed away from any serious commitment for fear of rejection. Everyone he had ever loved had left him, and he wasn't sure he could face Ziva leaving too. He leaned back against the head rest again, suddenly feeling rather confused.

Will we al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always, al-al-al-always be

Pretending?

* * *

As the last notes played Tony made up his mind; he was done. Done hiding, done pretending, done running. He turned off the car and ran over to Ziva's building, taking the stairs two at a time; for fear that if he slowed down he might stop and not get to her door. After three flights of stairs Tony finally reached her apartment. He barely paused at the door before he knocked. As soon as his fist hit her door his eyes got wide and his pulse sped up, was he really sure he could do this? Just as he was about to turn around he heard the door unlatch and open. He found himself face to face with a defeated looking Ziva.

Since she had left NCIS she had taken a long hot shower so her hair hung around her face in the messy curls that Tony loved, and even though she was wearing yoga pants and a loose purple top Tony thought she looked beautiful.

Ziva cocked her head to the side and repeated her question. "Do you need something Tony?" wondering what he was thinking about. Tony snapped back from wherever he was and turned to look at her. "I… um…well" he sputtered. Ziva just stared. In the years she had known Tony it was very rare for him to ever be speechless, this must be important she thought. "Why don't you come in Tony" she said quietly as she stepped back from the door. "Would you like something to drink?" she asked as she headed to the kitchen. "A beer would be great." Tony said as he nervously looked around her apartment. He had only been there a handful of times and felt out of place among her things. "Ok." Ziva called as she looked back over her shoulder to find Tony aimlessly staring into space.

Instead of grabbing their beers she walked back over to Tony and came to stand in front of him. "What is wrong Tony?" Ziva asked quietly as she placed her hand on his cheek and forced him to look at her. Tony took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in his throat; it was now or never.

"I'm tired of pretending" he almost whispered as he pushed a stray strand of her hair out of her face. Ziva looked up at him confused for a moment before he leaned down to kiss her. It was sweet and loving, everything a first kiss should be. Ziva brought her arms up around Tony's neck and he looped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. When they finally broke apart Ziva rested her forehead against his and smiled. "So am I." she breathed against his lips and Tony laughed as he scooped her up and carried her off towards her bed room. Ziva looked down at him and raised and eye brow. Tony looked up at her with a devilish smirk "What?" he asked as he dropped her down on the bed and crawled so that he was looking down at her. Now it was Ziva's turn to laugh. "What's so funny?" He asked in confusion. "I'm glad you are no longer pretending you aren't thinking about doing page 57 with me." She said as she pulled him down for a searing kiss.

* * *

**AN3: So let me know what you thought, and if you have any suggestions for other episodes when you wished they would have kissed, or specific moments when you wish something would have happened just let me know! I'm always open to suggestions! Also the song I used in here is a real song. It's called "Pretending" and I'm pretty sure it's buy the glee cast. **


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Ok so this started out as a suggestion and then it kinda morphed into I don't even know what? Hopefully you guys like it!

On a completely unrelated note have you seen the preview for 11x02? Oh! My! God! I just… there aren't even words for what I thought when I saw that, except that they better kiss more than just that one time, they better say that they love each other, and they better sleep together ( and by sleep I mean stay up all night and not sleep at all obviously ;). But mostly, I hope that they leave it open ended. After last night's episode I am hopeful that they could still Skype and talk and text and maybe he would buy another plane ticket to go visit her again so that they could still be together until CBS gets their crap together and writes her back onto the show!

Sorry I just needed to rant to some people who would understand!

Soph

* * *

Season 5 Episode 1: Bury your dead/ Season 5 Episode 2: Family

_T: Have you ever lied to someone you love?_

**_Z: Yes_**_. _

_T: Did they ever forgive you?_

___**Z: They never found out. **_****

* * *

Tony watched the couple hold their baby as Ducky examined it and he found himself smiling at the thought of being the devoted husband, the loving father. That was one of the ways Jeanne had changed him, she had made him realize all that he was missing out on. As Tony looked back at the letter in his hands he caught Ziva laughing out of the corner of his eye. He turned and watched as she and McGee smiled and talked, while Gibbs looked at them and flashed them one of his rare smiles.

It was in that moment Tony realized that all this time he had been searching for a family that he missed the one right in front of him. Gibbs loved them like they were his own children, Ducky was like the fun uncle Tony never had, Tim was the little brother Tony always wanted, and Ziva was like the… Well, Tony wasn't sure exactly what Ziva was, but he knew the family wasn't complete without her.

He looked down at the letter one last time. "Goodbye Jeanne." He whispered before he tossed her final words into the flames. He watched as he burned the bridge between himself and the woman he loved in order to stay with the people he loved even more. As the last pieces of her letter turned to ash Tony felt a strange sense of finality and comfort. He looked up and noticed Gibbs was looking at him, his brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed, desperately trying to figure out what Tony was doing. When he noticed Tony was looking at him he gave him a nod and a kind smile.

"You did the right thing." Tony could hear it as loudly as if Gibbs had actually said it out loud. He gave him a weak smile back and looked back at the fire, but realized that the letter was gone. Jeanne was gone and it was time to move on.

* * *

Two Months Later…

It was a Friday night and the team had been stuck doing paperwork and looking over cold cases all day. Tony sighed and looked up at the clock. 6:50. If they didn't get a case in the next 10 minutes they would actually have a weekend off for a change. Tony sighed and leaned back in his chair. It was their first weekend off since he broke up with Jeanne. Ok more like when things exploded with Jeanne. He had spent any time they had off in the last two months at the office, or in his apartment watching movies and trying to avoid drowning his sorrows. He was actually finally getting over not waking up next to her, not calling her to see how she was doing, not picking her up at the hospital in the mornings. Life was finally beginning to return to the way things were before she ever came into the picture.

At 7:00pm sharp Abby appeared in the bullpen. "Who wants to go out tonight?" she asked expectantly. "Maybe we could get dinner and then have a few drinks at our usual place?" she added hopefully. "I'd love to Abby." McGee said instantly, and Tony smirked. He knew McGee had a thing for the Goth and he was always hoping he would finally step up and act on it. Ziva was the next to agree. "That sounds lovely Abby. " Ziva said with a smile. "But I am not going unless Tony is coming." Everyone, including Gibbs, turned to look at Ziva. "What?" she asked, confused at the sudden scrutiny. If he is not going then I am going home with him to make sure that he does not spend his first weekend off drinking himself into an oblibion." At that Tony laughed. "Its oblivion Ziva. And I had no intention of going home and drinking, I have been feeling much… better lately." Tony said after a moment's thought, and for the first time in a long time he believed it.

"So you will come?" Abby asked as she bounced eagerly on her heals. "Yes." Tony said with a chuckle as he reached out to power down his computer. Ziva and McGee shut down their computers as well and grabbed their gear. Once everyone was ready they went and stood in front of Gibbs desk. "Are you coming Gibbs?" Abby asked with her puppy dog eyes. But Gibbs barely noticed because Jenny had chosen that moment to walk down the stairs toward them. "I think I'll have to take a rain check on that Abs." he said as he kissed her head and walked past them. The team watched as he walked over and started talking to the director who almost immediately broke into a large grin.

"Well I guess it's just us then." Abby declared as she headed towards the elevator, leaving the rest of them to throw one last glance and Gibbs and the Director and run to catch up with her before the doors closed.

* * *

A few hours later at the bar…

"I am glad you suggested this Abby." Tony said as he took a swig of his beer. "Me too!" Abby squealed as she squeezed McGee's arm. Ziva laughed, "Maybe you have had enough shots for the night?" Abby just smiled. "Oh no, we have barely even started Ziva!" she said with a wink. A couple of shots and a few beers later the NCIS team was a little tipsy; even Ziva, who held her liquor well, was starting to feel the effects. She smiled up at Tony and leaned into him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. All the sudden Abby shouted "OMG I have an idea!" "What is it?" McGee asked laughing at her exuberance. "Let's play truth or dare."

Under normal circumstances the rest of them would never have agreed, but Abby looked at them so innocently and so expectantly that none of them had the heart to tell her no. "Okay." Tony finally said. "But I go first!" "Yay!" Abby yelled. " Ok McGee Truth or dare?" McGee cringed. He hated this game on a good day, but after all the alcohol they had he could only imagine what DiNozzo was thinking. "Truth!" he said quickly. "Ok…" Tony said, stroking his chin as if he was in deep thought.

"Oh! I got something! Ok so describe your first time. " Tony asked a smirk already forming on his face. McGee on the other hand turned bright red. _I should have known better than to agree to play this game _he thought bitterly to himself. "Well…I… um…" "Oh come on McGee don't be such a prude!" Abby said as she gently swatted his arm. "My first time was in the back of a cab. What about you Ziva?" "Mine was in a weapons carrier." Ziva said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Of course it was." Tony said laughing as Ziva blushed slightly and took another sip of her beer. "What about you Tony?" Abby asked. "I asked McGee first!" Tony stated defensively. "It was at a comic con convention" McGee blurted out, his face turning even redder. Everyone burst out laughing. When things finally died down Abby turned back to Tony. "So what was your first time like Tony?"

"It was on a beach." He said quietly looking down at his drink. "That's not fair Tony!" McGee said with a huff. "The rest of us told the truth, so you have to be honest too!" Ziva turned and looked at Tony. His eyes were fixed on the label of his beer and he refused to meet any of their gazes as he continued. "I'm being completely serious McDisbeliever. And before you ask, I was 18. I had saved up money from my part time job for months so that I could drive the girl I liked down to the Hamptons for the weekend like we always talked about, and I did. We spent the weekend there at this tiny little hotel right on the beach and the last night we were there we slept out on the beach because she wanted to sleep under the stars. Happy now?" He said almost harshly as he finally looked up at his friends, who were staring back at him with their mouths hanging open.

"I'm sorry Tony." McGee said a few minutes later as the silence was becoming almost too much to bare. "I didn't mean it… I mean I shouldn't have…"

"Rule 6 Probie. " Tony said as he reached over to Gibbs slap McGee. The loud SMACK could be heard as Tony's hand hit the back of McGee's head, but he barely even registered it before he spoke again.

"I know, but I shouldn't have…"

"Assumed I've always been the player everyone thinks I am?"

"Yes um… I… I'm sorry." McGee said as he ducked his head down.

" 'sokay. You didn't know." Tony said quietly as he gave him a sad smile.

"That's so romantic Tony!" Abby said as she grasped his hands. Tony smiled. "Ok it's your turn now McGee."

"Alright!" McGee said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Abby truth or dare?"

"DARE!" Abby very nearly screamed.

"Ok!"Ziva said laughing. "What is it going to be McGee? Something good, yes?"

McGee thought for a moment and then he winked at Ziva. "Ok Abby I dare you to go up to the bar and ask for 5 more tequila shots."

"That's easy!" Abby replied.

"I don't know if you have ever played this game before McDork, so let me clear something up for you that is not a dare." Tony said giving McGee a disapproving look.

"I wasn't finished!" McGee said defensively. "You need to stumble up there obviously drunk and ask the female bar tender for the shots. And when she says no, which she will, you will flash my badge and tell her that you need them for case related research." He said as he began to unclip his badge from his belt. "And once she gives them to you ask her to take one of them off of your body. It doesn't matter where she picks you have to do it and if she asks why you have to say because you are trying to get into the mindset of a suspect."

Tony and Abby stared back at him dumbfounded. A few seconds later Tony shook his head "Now that is a dare Probie! Nice job! How long did it take you to come up with that one?" McGee looked over to Ziva. "He didn't come up with it Tony I did. I was telling him a story about one of my assignments and something very similar to the dare happened on that case." Ziva said laughing. Tony turned to Ziva wide eyed. "You told McGee this story, but you didn't tell me?!" Ziva laughed even harder. "I will tell you later Tony." She cooed as she leaned into his ear. "Deal." He breathed as he felt her warm breath hit the side of his neck.

"Okay!" Abby said confidently, "Give me your badge." And with that she got up and staggered towards the bar. The rest of them watched as the bar tender shook her head at Abby, saying she couldn't have any more shots and then Abby flashed her badge. Tony had to cover his mouth with his hands to keep from bursting out laughing as the bar tenders eyes got wide and she rushed to get the shots. Abby turned around and winked at them as the bar tender walked back over. Abby took the tray with the shots and set it down on the counter. You could see her gesturing to the shots and the bar tender laughing and shaking her head no. Abby put on her best puppy dog eyes and the bar tender melted, you couldn't say no to Abby when she makes that face.

The bar tender raised her hands in surrender and motioned for another worker to cover her section for a minute. "What is she doing?" Ziva asked as she watched the bar tender walk around and come to stand in front of Abby. "$10 that she just told Abby she wanted to lick the salt off her chest." Tony said looking at McGee. McGee shot Tony an evil smirk "I won't take that bet because I think you're right." "Did Probie just say that he thinks I'm right?!" Tony asked in shock."Well that is what happened when Ziva was undercover." McGee said laughing as he watched Tony choke on his beer. "Now you really have to tell me this story!" Tony said to Ziva once he recovered. Ziva just smiled as Abby walked back over with the four remaining shots.

She sat down and smiled at McGee and Tony whose eyes were fixed on her now exposed breasts. "Enjoying the view guys?" McGee gulped and Tony laughed. "I can't believe you actually let a stranger lick salt off your chest Abby." Tony said as Abby began to re-button her shirt. "It was not the first time, yes?" Ziva said as she watched Abby break into a sly grin. Now it was McGee's turn to choke on his beer. "Nope!" Abby replied as she finished buttoning her shirt. "Ok Ziva your turn! Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Ziva said bravely as she reached for another shot, which she flicked back with an ease that Tony couldn't help but be distracted by. "Ok."Abby said, a devilish grin playing at the corners of her mouth. "I dare you to do the thing to Tony that you told me you wanted to do the day you thought he died." Ziva turned bright red and Tony's eyes got huge. He turned to look at Ziva and Ziva glared at Abby. "PASS!" Ziva said quickly when she registered Tony's eyes on her.

"Oh come on Ziva! You can't pass just because you are afraid to do it!"

"I am not afraid!" Ziva responded angrily.

"Then why won't you do it?" Abby challenged.

"Fine. I will do it later, but for now you can ask me a truth. That is fair yes? "

"When is later?" Abby asked skeptically.

"Tonight." Ziva responded quietly, blushing slightly when she saw Tony raise his eye brows and look over at McGee who just shrugged, saying he had no idea either.

"Ok fine. Then I get to ask you a truth now?"

"Yes."

"Ok, what's your biggest secret?"

Ziva's eyes went wide again. She had a lot of secrets, but her biggest was probably that Ari was her brother and that she killed him, but she couldn't tell everyone that, so she lied. She steeled her features, hoping no one had noticed her moment of panic, but Tony had. He made a mental note to mention it to her later.

"I guess my biggest secret would be the number of people I have killed." Ziva said with a shrug.

"How many?" McGee asked curiously.

"Nope, only one truth at a time McGee." Ziva said, her confidence slowly returning. "Ok Tony your turn, truth or dare?

"Truth."

"Hmmm… " Ziva thought for a moment. "Ok why did you become a cop?"

"Oh that's easy!" Tony said with a grin. "Women love a man with a badge and handcuffs."

McGee mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like _I should have known_, and Abby laughed, but Ziva wasn't buying it. "No really Tony, was there a moment that changed your mind. I mean you majored in PE and were a great basketball player, what made you want to become a cop instead."

Tony smiled, Ziva knew him too well. But moments later his face fell when he remembered the exact moment that he knew he wanted to be a cop.

"It was the final four that weekend and we were in Baltimore. I was out for a walk, trying to clear my head." He remembered, as sad smile gracing his lips. "When I noticed a building on fire a little ways up the street. I ran over and I heard someone screaming , so I pulled up my hood on my sweatshirt and ran inside. A little boy was trapped in his bed room closet screaming for help. I grabbed him and turned to leave, but he didn't want to go because his sister was still trapped. I set him down and went back to try and get her, but part of the ceiling fell… I…" Tony trailed off, trying desperately not to tear up. "I grabbed him and ran out. She was four. But you asked for the moment Zi, and that was it. That was the moment when I knew that I wanted to help save people."

Ziva's eyes were brimming with unshed tears and she pulled him into a tight hug. "You are a good man Tony." She whispered as she hugged him. " Thanks Zi." Tony replied as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Ok Abby, Truth or dare…"

* * *

The team continued to play truth or dare until around midnight. "I'm tired McGee." Abby finally declared after stifling another yawn. McGee smiled. "Ok Abby, let me drive you home." And with that he grabbed her jacket and led her out of the booth. "Bye Tony. Bye Ziva!" Abby said as she hugged them each. "Don't forget about our deal!" she whispered to Ziva with a wink as she let McGee lead her out of the bar.

"And then there were two." Tony said with a smile as he looked back at Ziva. Ziva smiled back. "I think we should get going too. It is quite late Tony." "At least let me drive you home Zi." Tony said as he grabbed her coat and held it out for her to put her arms in. "No Tony that is not necessary. I live just a few blocks from here…" She tried to protest, but she noticed something in his eyes that made her stop. She turned to look at him fully and decided that spending a little more time with him really couldn't hurt. "Tell you what Tony." She said as she buttoned up her jacket and he opened the door for her. "You can walk me home and stay for a little while. We both drank too much to be driving anyway." "Deal!" he said as he rubbed his hands together. It was surprisingly chilly that evening.

He watched Ziva shiver and rub her hands together as well. He smiled, she looked beautiful as the wind whipped her curly hair around her face and turned her cheeks a rosy pink. Pulling her closer and wrapping his arms around her shoulder he whispered in her hair "Come closer, I'll keep you warm."

* * *

They arrived at Ziva's apartment about 20 minutes later and shrugged off their coats. "Why don't you start a fire Tony and I will make us some tea?" Ziva called over her shoulder as she headed to the kitchen. Tony walked over and looked around her living room. It had been a long time since he had been at her place, not since Jeanne. He sighed and searched around for her lighter. He found it, lit the fire place, sat down on her couch, and waited for her. She came out a few minutes later carrying two cups of steaming tea. "Thanks Zi." He said as he gratefully accepted his warming mug.

"What no movie tonight?" Ziva asked with a smirk as she plopped down next to him and tucked her legs underneath her. Tony laughed. "No not tonight. Tonight I thought maybe we could finish our game?" "What game?" Ziva asked nervously. "Truth or Dare Zi!" Tony said excitedly. "Okay…" Ziva said quietly, still unsure if she could go through with the deal she made with Abby. "Then I choose truth I suppose."

"Hmm… do you want a silly truth, or a real question?" He asked after a long pause. Ziva was touched that he cared enough about her not to want to make her uncomfortable by asking too deep of questions, it was all the little things Tony did that made her realize how much he cared. But tonight Ziva knew she needed to face the music she had been steadily ignoring since the day she met him. "A real question." "Ok . When you told me you lied to someone you loved but they never found out who were you talking about?" Tony asked as he searched her face.

Ziva gulped. _You _she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure how he would respond. Did he still love Jeanne? Would she be risking their friendship by admitting too much when he wasn't ready to hear it? "Me?" Tony asked in disbelief. _Shit!_ "Yes you." Ziva said with a sad smile. "What was the lie Zi?" Tony asked as he set down his tea cup. "Ah, that is two questions and you only get one!" Ziva said with a chuckle. Letting out a sigh of relief at the fact that Tony missed what that confession implied.

"So truth or dare Tony?" "Truth." Tony answered without missing a beat. "May I ask you a real question as well?" Ziva wondered shyly. Tony smiled and squeezed her had that had found its way to rest on his leg. "Ziva you can always ask me anything." Ziva smiled. "I know, I was just checking." "Okay so what would you like to know? I'm an open book." "I did not think you liked books Tony?" Ziva said teasingly. "Hey!" Tony said pretending to be offended. "Just because I prefer movies does not mean that I do not like to read Zee-vah!" Ziva laughed. "Okay. I would like to know about the girl you were talking about before, anything you are willing to share."

"Wendy Miller?" Tony asked. And the change in the way in which he spoke her name did not go unnoticed by Ziva. "Who was she?" Ziva asked moving closer to Tony so that their knees were touching. Tony ignored the fact that she had technically asked him two questions and decided to go for broke and just tell her. "She was my fiancée." He said with a sad smile. "You were engaged?!" At that Tony laughed a little. "Yup. Hard to believe isn't it." "A little." Ziva replied honestly. " Yea that's because after she left me the night before our wedding I swore I would never let myself feel that way again." Tony said bitterly. "I am sorry Tony." Ziva said as she gingerly cupped his cheek. "It's ok Ziva. If she hadn't left me I might never have met you." He replied after a few moments of reflective silence.

Ziva smiled as Tony asked "Truth or dare? " "Truth." "Why did you lie to McGee earlier, I know that the number of people you killed is not your biggest secret." "You are right it is not my biggest secret." Ziva said quietly. "But I cannot tell you my biggest secret. It will change how you see me Tony and I… I do not want to lose you too. Everyone I care about leaves…" Ziva trailed off when she felt Tony pull her into a tight hug. "Ziva there is nothing in the world that you could say to me that would make me get up and walk through that door and leave you. I promise."

Tony felt her tears begin to soak his shirt and he pulled her closer. "I killed Ari." She managed to whisper between sobs. "I killed my brother to save a man I barely knew." Ziva said as she pulled herself out of Tony's arms and tried desperately to wipe away her tears. "You cannot honestly tell me that knowing that does not change how you think about me." "You did it to save Gibbs." Tony said with a shrug as he pulled her closer. "How can I think it's wrong that you save one of the best men I know? If anything knowing that makes me like you even more, because I know that I can count on you to always do the right thing."

Ziva let out another muffled sop. It felt so good to finally get that off her chest. She couldn't believe Tony wasn't mad. She cried until her tears were gone, and when she was done Tony wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks with his thumbs. "Thank you for telling me Ziva." He said with a kind smile.

They sat there in silence for a while, enjoying the warmth from the fire and from each other before Ziva finally spoke. "Truth or dare?" Ziva asked as she sank back into the couch and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders protectively. "Do you still love Jeanne?"

"Yes."Tony replied after a long pause, and he watched as Ziva's face fell and she tried to hide it. He had to try very hard to hide his growing smile. "I still love her Ziva, and a part of me will probably always still love her, just like a part of me still loves Wendy, but I am not _in love_ with her anymore Ziva. There is a big difference."

Grinning like crazy Ziva suddenly couldn't wait for her next turn; she just prayed that Tony knew what she wanted him to ask her. "I choose dare Tony." Ziva said as she turned to look at him. A look of confusion flashed across Tony's face before he smiled and said "Oh! Someone's excited. Ok little miss eager beaver. I dare you to go through with whatever it was that Abby dared you to do when we were at the bar." "That is exactly what I wanted you to ask me!" Ziva laughed. "Well I guess I'm a mind reader tonight." Tony said with a wink. "So what did she dare you to do?"

"This." Ziva said as she leaned in and captured Tony's lips in a passionate kiss; her hands on either side of his face. She was up on her knees now so that she could reach his lips and her hair was falling wildly around them. After the initial moment of shock Tony reacted to the kiss; he brought his hand to the back of Ziva's head as she moved hers to wrap around his neck and deepened the kiss. Ziva poured all the emotions she felt on the day she thought he died, and all those that she had been trying desperately to hide into the kiss. And Tony kissed her back with all the passion he had been burying since the day he met her. It was nothing like the lustful kisses they shared undercover years before, because this one was about so much more than lust. It was filled with nothing but love and passion.

When they finally broke apart they were both out of breath, and as they rested their foreheads against each other Tony tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and smiled up at her. "So this is what you wanted to do after you realized I was alive?" Tony asked with a smirk. "Yes." Ziva replied with a simple shrug. "I could not bare the thought of you dying before I told you how I felt." At that Tony leaned up to kiss her again.

"I found out Ziva." Tony said once they broke apart again, his smile spreading rapidly across his face. "Found out what?" Ziva asked innocently as she pulled back to look at him. "I found out what the lie was. You gave it away with your answer actually, but for some reason I just now realized what you meant." Ziva smiled. "Well then I guess you know." She said with a laugh as she leaned into him again. "I love you, and I'm so happy you are okay." "Me too Ziva." He whispered as he kissed her again. When they broke apart the third time Tony whispered "I love you too you know." against her lips. "Good."She whispered back, "Because kissing you wasn't the only thing I would have regretted not getting to do."


	3. Season 3 Episode 8

**AN: Ok so I know what you're thinking; they actually did kiss in this episode, why are you writing it? And well to be honest I don't really know! This is just a random thought I had of what might have happened that night while they were under surveillance.**

**And just to clear up and confusion Bold is Ziva talking, and normal is Tony. It should be pretty oblivious, but just in case.**

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**Season 3 episode 8 Undercovers.**

Ziva let out a sigh as her head hit the pillow after another round of fake sex with Tony. Shivering as the cold night air hit her exposed skin she tried to wrap herself up in the covers, but realized they were tangled at the bottom of the bed. Tony noticed her shivering and he sat up and began the task of untangling the sheets. It had been a long day, and he was too tired to get up at retrieve the comforter from the floor so instead he draped the sheet over them and pulled her close. "Come here, I'll keep you warm." He said sweetly as he pulled her closer to his chest.

"All men are the same! We just had sex and yet that is all you can think about." Ziva declared with a huff as she pulled back to look up at him. Tony tightened his grip on her waist, effectively holding her in place. "I was not thinking about sex Sweetcheeks." He whispered quietly as he tucked some of her loose curls behind her ear. "No? What then?" She asked curiously as she burrowed into his chest. It was just because she was cold she reassured herself. "I was thinking about how you looked cold." Tony said with a shrug. "And I figured that if you lay closer to me you might be warmer."

Ziva stared back at him with an unreadable expression. "Oh." She said finally, still clearly trying to figure out how to react to his confession. "Then thank you." And with that she closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him once again. She had to admit she was warmer in his arms. A little while later she spoke again.

**"Are you awake?"**

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep."

**"Me neither, my thoughts are running."**

"Your mind is racing Zi. The expression is your mind is racing."

**"That is what I said!" Ziva exclaimed with a huff. "Stupid Americans with their stupid idioms."**

"Homesick?" Tony asks gingerly. He had a growing suspicion that thoughts of her homeland are what is keeping her up.

**There was a long pause before Ziva finally replied. "Honestly, no. I am sick of my home, but at the same time there are things that I…"**

"Miss?" Tony tried, understanding exactly what she was going through.

**"Yes, but not so much Israel as the familiarity it brought along with it. Things are so different here, it is all a bit over whelming. I feel like a freak here, like I cannot do anything right. I cannot even speak your language properly."**

"You are doing great Zi." Tony said honestly. This was the first time he was getting to see this side of his usually all business partner, and he was curious to see what else she would tell him. "What do you miss the most?

**"Having someone to talk to outside of work. I… I have no friends here."**  
Smiling sadly Tony replied "I know how you feel. When I left Baltimore all those years ago to join NCIS the only person I knew as Gibbs, and he isn't exactly friend material."

**Ziva laughed. "I have noticed. It is just so hard when we work all the time to meet anyone."**

Tony sighed regretfully. "I know, oh trust me I know."

**"You know Tony…" Ziva started as her eyes roamed his face. "I think I may have been wrong about you, there is more to you than meets the eye."**

Tony stared back at her for a second, unsure of what to say he did what he always did when he was uncomfortable or trying to hide from his feeling; he cracked a joke. "Told you I was good in bed Sweetcheeks."

**Ziva laughed. "Oh I'm sure you are, but that's not what I meant. I just… You are different here than at work, more serious."**

Tony closed his eyes, debating whether or not he should open up to Ziva. He finally decided he was being ridiculous. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes again, only to be met with two brown orbs boring into his soul. "We have a hard job Ziva, and I don't know I guess the jokes, and the playboy image is just my way of coping with it."

**"I know." She said with a smile.**

"It helps balance out Gibbs… Gibbsness." Tony said with a laugh.

**"You are smarter than you give yourself credit for." Ziva said absentmindedly. **

"What?" Tony furrowed his brow and searched her face trying to understand what she meant.

**"When you act like a goofball all the time, people… they do not take you seriously. But you are actually very smart Tony. I have noticed the little things you do in the background; you do not take the credit."**

"Like what Zi?" Tony asked, surprised she had noticed so much about him that Kate hadn't even begun to pick up on before she was shot.

** "The other day when we were searching for our suspect you found him a full 20 minutes before McGee, but you kept quiet until he slammed his hands down on his keyboard in frustration when he couldn't find him. And then instead of telling him you had the information already you suggested to him the way you looked for it, which he dismissed and then later tried and found out exactly what you had known all along. Why do you let him think you are so ..." **

"Incompetent." Tony supplied for her.

**"Yes! Why do you do that?" **

"I don't know Ziva. I guess it all started when my fiancée broke my heart. After that I dated a lot of women, and people began to develop this preconceived image of me and I discovered that when they realize I'm actually intelligent it throws them off their game. Probie doesn't think I deserve to be SFA, hell a lot of people think I don't even deserve to be on Gibbs team. They can't figure out why he put up with me all these years."

**"Because you are good Tony." Ziva said quietly. **

"I like to think so." He said with a smile, but then his expression turned serious again. "But I don't care if everyone else knows that or not. I… There are times when I wish I didn't have to put up the façade, but there are parts of it that I seek refuge in to keep from going crazy from this job. "

**"That is something that I can understand." Ziva said with a sigh. "I am not an emotionless killer you know. "**

"Of course not." Tony said hastily

**"But everyone expects me to be." She said sadly. "I had just hoped that NCIS would be… different."**

"Is it different from the Mossad?" Tony asked, curious to find out exactly what she did at her former job.

**"Yes." Ziva said after a contemplating her answer for a while. "It is very different. It surprises me actually, the things that are different here."**

"Like what?"

**"Well if this was a mission for the Mossad I would have slept with you."**

Tony's eyes widened. Did she know? He decided to play it off and pretend like he had no idea what she could possibly be talking about. "Really? Maybe I need to ask for a transfer. Do you think your father would let me work for the Mossad? They are down an assassin after all." He said with a wink.

**Ziva chuckled. "You would not last a day." She said her tone deadly serious and Tony gulped. "Any way, what I was going to ask was: do you not find me attractive? Is that why you won't sleep with me?"**

"No, of course not! I would love to have sex with you! Oh wait…God that did not come out right..."

**"No kidding." **

"What I meant was that I do find you attractive, I think you're gorgeous actually."

**"But…"**

"But you're different."

**"Excuse me?"**

Tony could see that this was not going well, and a pissed off ninja while they were on a dangerous undercover mission was not something Gibbs would be happy about, so he changed tactics. "Want to know what my first thought of you was?"

**"Why not." Ziva said, still rather angry at the way Tony had been answering her questions. **

"I thought you were dangerous and sexy as hell, but as soon as you opened your mouth I knew I was in way over my head: that you were way out of my league."

**"Really?" Ziva asked wide-eyed. She spent her entire life around men and thought she had become an expert at reading them, but so far Tony had surprised her at every turn. It was a little unsettling for her instincts to be so off. **

"Really. You were right that day though. I was thinking of doing page 57 with you, but as I spent more time with you…"

**"You changed your mind." Ziva said sadly.**

"Yes." Tony replied as he watched her face fall. "But not for the reason you think. As I got to know you I realized how complicated you really were. There was so much more to you than just your beauty. But I could also tell that you had been hurt. "

**"You do not know what I have been through; you do not know me Tony."Ziva said bitterly. **

"No, but I know it has been hard for you. I know because it has been hard for me. I could see through your mask because I know what it looks like to wear one."

**"Just like I knew there was more to you than your playboy image?" Ziva asked, obliviously trying to work through what Tony was telling her in her head.**

"Exactly. And so, even though when I first met you one of the only things on my mind was sex I began to realize that I didn't want it to be that way with you. I wanted something different with you. "

**"Is that why you told Director Sheppard you did not want to sleep with me?" Ziva asked with a smirk.**

"It's…It's NCIS policy…" Tony tired, but he knew Ziva wasn't buying it.

**"Bullshit." Ziva said confidently. "She called me into her office and told me going undercover was not like Mossad, but I knew there was something else. She and Gibbs had a full blown relationship while undercover in Paris all those years ago."**

"And suddenly rule 12 makes so much sense." Tony said absentmindedly.

**"Rule 12?"**

"Never date a coworker. I knew there was something between them! I take it things didn't end well?"

**"No, she chose her job over him."**

"Ouch. Gibbs doesn't open up much, no wonder he took it so hard."

**"Yes that does make sense." And then there was a long silence, so long that Tony wasn't sure if she was still awake, but just as she was about to roll over and try to sleep she spoke again. "Tony?"**

"Yea Zi?"

**"Want to know what I thought when I first saw you?"**

"Sure."

**"I thought you were hot."**

Tony laughed "Really? Was it because you thought I was having phone sex?"

**Now it was Ziva's turn to laugh. "No, it was just because… because you are you I suppose. And as I talked to you more I realized that you could drive me absolutely crazy with your childish behavior."**

"I knew there was a catch."Tony said with a groan.

**"I was not finished Tony." Ziva said with a smile.**

"Oh well then by all means continue, and point out all the other things I do that drive you crazy."

**"I also noticed that you have a huge heart. You love the people that you work with like they are your flesh and blood, and I realized that I did not stand a prayer."**

"What?" Tony asked dumbfounded, but he couldn't help but correct her butchering of the American phrases "Do you mean you didn't stand a chance or have a prayer?"

**"Stand a chance, have a prayer. Same thing." Ziva replied her brows furrowed in confusion. **

Tony smiled. "What was it you were trying to say then?"

**"You were too good for me. Guys like you end up with pretty blonde girls with easy lives. Not Israeli assassins with tons of baggage."**

There was a long silence and Ziva wondered if she had said too much. She was just about to open her mouth to apologize when Tony broke the silence. "Ziva… I… you… You were wrong."

**"Wrong about what?" **

"I do not want some easy blonde girl. I thought I did, for a long time, but now I've realized that I'm not sure…"

**"That does not change things. You are still too good for me." Ziva said with a sad smile. **

"Then let me be your friend Ziva." Tony asked quietly.

** "Really Tony it is not necessary." Ziva tried to reason with him. **

"Let me help you carry some of that baggage. I want to know more about you. You fascinate me and I do not want you to feel so alone."

**"That is the sweetest thing any man has ever said to me. " Ziva said quietly as she cupped his cheek with the palm of her hand. **

Tony felt a twinge of pain run through his chest followed by the sting of anger as he thought about all the men who must have hurt her over the years, but then he smiled. "Well I like you Ziva."

**Ziva laughed. "You are not so bad yourself." Tony pulled her closer again and she smiled into his chest. "Thank you Tony." She said as she looked up into his bright green eyes. **

"That's what friends are for Zee-vah." And with that they both finally closed their eyes and began to drift off to sleep: each of them having gained a new friend and a new beginning. And who knows, maybe someday they would live out Tony's fantasy and do page 57, but for now he was content with just laying there with Ziva wrapped snuggly in his arms as they slept.

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**AN2: Ok so I know that they did not kiss in what I wrote, and I debated for a long time if I should end it with them kissing, but in the end I decided not to, it didn't feel right. This one-shot was more of my way of explaining how Tony and Ziva started, because before that this episode they really didn't get along that well, and I thought that since they work so well together and seem so in sync that they must know more about each other than we thought and for all we know their bond could have started that night!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hey guys, sorry this took so long for me to update! I have had a concussion for the past 3 weeks, so sadly I was not allowed to use my computer at all. And yes it really was as bad as it sounds. I had no idea so much happened in a month or how much I needed the internet until I couldn't use it... Lets just say I am going to be extra careful to make sure that never happens again! Any way I hope you like this chapter, I don't really know where it came from... I was watching re-runs one day on TV and I caught these two and... well here it is!:)**

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As she closed her eyes and tilted her head towards the ceiling Ziva let the scalding water ease the pain that was engulfing her tired body. She stood there and let the steamy water melt away the dirt and dust until there was no evidence of her most recent trip left on her body. Ziva began to scrub at her skin until it was raw; trying desperately to wipe away the memories and scars the desert had left behind.

Her rage soon morphed into despair when she noticed the scars on her hips and inner thighs. Slowly, she sank down to sit on the cold shower floor as the hot water continued to pound down on her. She didn't notice when the water began to cool, nor did she notice when the steam around her lifted, because in that moment she wasn't in a hot shower in DC; she was in the dry Somalia desert screaming as Saleem extinguished another cigarette on her leg. _"You worthless piece of trash"_ he spat as he pushed the cigarette further into her skin. _"Now no man will want you, not when he sees these ugly scars."_

But Ziva wasn't going to let him get away with saying those things to her; she summoned up her remaining strength and countered _"No one will… care… about a … few… s-scars."_ Ziva shuddered as she remembered his laugh that came with his next words. _"Oh, but I am not done with you Miss David. Unless you tell me everything you know about NCIS what you have experienced is going to be just the beginning. And I can promise you that when I'm done you will wish you were dead."_

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she looked at her red scars, the hot water always made them stand out against her olive skin. As she traced the outlines of her scars she cried for the part of herself that she lost in the desert. In the end, Saleem had been right; she had wanted to die; she did not believe that she deserved to be saved. It was not until she came back that she realized a part of her did die in the desert, the cold "emotionless Mossad assassin" was a mask she no longer felt comfortable hiding behind, because she realized it was all a lie.

As she continued to cry Ziva realized she was not just crying for her, she was crying for the girls she had left in Afghanistan. The girls who like her had been tortured and raped; the girls who like her were all alone. Eventually, there were no more tears, so Ziva stood up and turned off the water. Once she had dried off she slipped on her favorite yoga pants and a loose fitting pajama top. It had been a long week and what she really needed right now was a nice warm cup of tea and a good book to get lost in.

Ten minutes later the kettle began to whistle, so she shuffled to the kitchen to fetch her tea. Just as she reached the couch the door bell rang. She flinched and instinctively reached for her gun, only to realize it was still in her bedroom. She was torn for a moment, unsure of whether or not she needed to get it when someone calling her name broke her out of her thoughts.

"Ziva I know you're in there. Please just answer the door. I don't have enough hands to get out my key." Letting out a sigh of relief Ziva padded over to the door and opened it without even looking in the peephole. Suddenly she was face to face with a flustered Tony who was carrying two bags. One contained take-out and the other was what she presumed to be his gym bag. "Thought you could use some company" he said with a smile as he walked into her apartment and set down the food.

"Is that…" "Thai food? Yes it is." Tony exclaimed as he began rummaging through her kitchen for plates and silverware. Ziva walked over and took the food out of the bag. It was her favorite and there was only one Thai place in the city that made her favorite dish and she knew it was at least 30 minutes away, if not more during rush hour. "But you do not like Thai food" Ziva mused as she carried the food into the kitchen and helped Tony put it on the plates. "You're right" he said with a shrug. "It's not my favorite, but it's my partners favorite and sometimes I gotta take one for the team" he replied with a wink. "You drove over an hour to bring me food you hate?" Ziva questioned as she looked up at Tony curiously. Tony just shrugged again and carried their plates to the living room. "I would have driven days if I knew what I brought back was going to make you happy."

Ziva's breath caught in her throat, he couldn't possibly have meant what he just said right? She took a deep breath and pulled to beers out of her fridge. As she walked back towards Tony she realized her hands were shaking. She tensed and set the beers down quickly hoping he wouldn't notice. Once she sat down they both dug into their dinners and it wasn't until they were almost done that she spoke. "Thank you Tony. This was exactly what I needed after this week. ""Any time sweetcheeks" Tony said as he flashed her his 1000-watt smile. "Ok so now that I know you ate something we can have some fun!" He declared excitedly as he jumped up from the couch. "Oh?" Ziva questioned with a raised eyebrow "What exactly did you have in mind?" "Well we could read…" Tony began as she dug through his bag for something. "Hmmm…"Ziva chuckled "Something tells me you had other things in mind, yes?" "We could try page 57?" Tony said nonchalantly as he continued to dig through his bag. "DiNozzo!" Ziva yelled as she launched a pillow at him across the room. "There better be an option C, or you are dead meat."

Tony laughed. "Ok, how about we watch a movie then?" "Deal!" Ziva replied as she settled back against the couch. "What are the options?" "I brought some of your favorites Zi." Tony said as he pointed to the movies laid out before her. "Pirates of the Caribbean, The Sound of Music, and…" "You do not like either of those movies Tony." Ziva stated curiously as she watched Tony's expression go from happy to unreadable. "They may not be my favorites…" Tony started, "but they are yours, and they make you happy, so I'm more than willing to sit through them as many times as I need to, as long as I get to watch them with you." Ziva sat there once again stunned by Tony's sudden honesty. Unsure of what would be an appropriate response she finally decided to take a page from his book and laugh it off. "The Sound of Music it is then my little hairy butt." She said with a wink as she hopped up and put it in. Tossing him the remote, she picked up the other DVD's and went to put them back in is bag.

As Ziva was putting the DVD's back something caught her eye. She pulled it out and glanced over her shoulder at Tony who was currently trying to get the movie to play. Deciding he wasn't watching she grabbed the list and began to skim through it. She had only gotten a quick glance before, and she was curious to find out what else he had written.

Master the art of Kung Fu.

Drive a 1965 Aston Martin DB5 like the one in _Goldfinger_.

Discover the meaning of life.

Catch a shark.

Date a bond girl and/or Miss Universe.

Ride in a motorcycle in the ball of death.

Write a letter to Roger Ebert re: his reviews of _Full Metal Jacket_ and _Benji_ the Hunted

Ziva let out and exasperated sigh and almost put the list back. It was full of ridiculous things that all somehow related back to a movie. Not that she should have been surprised, this was DiNozzo's list after all, but still she had always thought there was more to him than met the eye…

8. Develop a catch phrase.

9. The lung.

10. Tell dad it's okay.

This one made Ziva pause. Maybe this list was not as ridiculous as she thought…

11. Watch all Hitchcock films in order of release (including both versions of _The Man Who Knew Too Much_), pausing only for bathroom breaks.

12. Experience a wonder of the world (besides Gibbs).

13. Learn to play the bass.

14. Kick McGee's butt at some video game.

15. Create DiNozzo coat of arms.

16. Ride a Ferris wheel naked. (oops…did that already)

17. Get and pass on Gibbs' recipe for steak.

18. Visit Bogie's grave.

19. Discuss Paris.

Ziva gasped, but did not look up, which was a good thing for her because if she had she would have noticed Tony staring at her wide eye his hand frozen on the remote.

20. Give a motivational half-time speech.

21. Find Jimmy Hoffa, dammit.

22. Finish memoir.

23. Make cameo in movie version of memoir.

24. Let friends get closer.

25. Try space tourism.

26. Tell her.

When Ziva finished she was dumbfounded. The list was a perfect representation of Tony: a mix of funny jokes and absurd things to hide the deep and real things on the list. 'Tell her' Tell who what? Ziva wondered. It was then that she realized the movie wasn't playing. Blushing she turned to face Tony who was staring at the wall in front of him, steadfastly avoiding her gaze. Grabbing the list, she walked back over to the couch and sat down.

Tony's gaze shifted so that he was staring at his feet. "I guess you read it huh?" he said absent mindedly as he gestured towards the list in her hand. "I am sorry." Ziva tried. "I did not… I… should not have read it." she said sheepishly as she tried to get him to look at her. "Yea well, too late now…" he said with a shrug as he finally turned to face her. "It was dumb anyway, so it really doesn't matter if you saw it or not I guess."

Ziva hummed in response and glanced at the list again, trying to figure out what she wanted to ask. "Did you mean what you wrote?" she asked quietly. Tony's eyes widened " No of course not… I mean… most of it is stupid stuff anyway… I… only some of it really mattered…"Knowing her next words would make or break what had been building between them for the past 7 years Ziva swallowed and braced herself for the inevitable let down. "Did number 19 matter?" she all but whispered.

Tony's first reaction was to say no and cover up his feelings with some thinly veiled joke like he always did, but when he looked up there was something in her eyes that made him stop. She looked so vulnerable and scared that he did not have the heart to lie to her. "Yes." He finally said never taking his eyes off of Ziva. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and looked up at Tony in wonder. Her head was spinning as their night in Paris came flooding back to her.

* * *

_The hotel had mixed up their reservation and there were no more available rooms, so she and Tony had been forced to share a tiny room with only one bed. She vowed to herself that she would take the couch because that way she wouldn't sleep and if she didn't sleep she wouldn't have any nightmares. Tony convinced her to go out to dinner with him and they returned hours later laughing with Ziva clinging onto Tony's arm. They walked towards the elevators and Tony held open the doors for a little old lady to enter. She smiled and thanked him and then she looked at Ziva. 'You are very lucky my dear.' The kind old woman had whispered. 'He is a true gentleman, and he loves you very much. Hold on to him.' Ziva merely blushed and smiled, but when she looked back up at Tony and saw him smiling down at her she felt her heart skip a beat. And she found herself hoping that maybe the old lady was right, maybe he did love her. _

_ But moments later her smile fell as she realized he only loved her because what he knew about her was a lie. If he knew all of the terrible things she had done in her life and all the things that Saleem and his men had done to her Tony would not want to be anywhere near her, let alone love her. She tensed against his arm and started to pull away when she felt Tony wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her closer. "Going somewhere sweetcheeks?" he had asked and her snarky remark died on her lips when she looked up and saw the worry etched into his face. "No." she replied, not taking her eyes off of his "There is nowhere I would rather be." And with that she had let Tony lead her back to their room._

_ Once they got there they were once again faced with the problem of the one bed. "I'll take the couch" Tony declared after a long pause, but Ziva had shaken her head. "No Tony it is far too small for you to sleep on. I will take it." she said as she started towards the couch. Tony grabbed her gently by the arm and pulled her back towards him. She was surprised by his actions and ended up stumbling backwards into his arms. Tony caught her and they suddenly found themselves nose to nose. Ziva stared up at Tony as she felt her heart race. One small move and their lips would have touched. Ziva could feel Tony's heart pounding under her palms that she had braced on his strong chest. She watched as he leaned down and she felt her eyes shut on their own accord. But he did not kiss her. Instead he whispered in her ear. 'Nonsense Ziva. We are both adults and we have shared a bed before. I promise I won't snore." _

_ Her eyes snapped open and she had playfully slapped his arm, the moment effectively ruined and the tension diffused. "Fine, but I call first shower." She called over her shoulder as she ducked in to the bathroom. Once she closed the door and turned on the water she sank down against the cold tiles. Why didn't he kiss her? Or perhaps more importantly why did she want him to kiss her? He was her partner for God's sake and he wouldn't want anything to do with her. She sighed, gotten up, and showered, all the while her self-doubt growing. When she finally emerged twenty minutes later in nothing but a towel Tony's jaw had dropped. Ziva had blushed and crossed her arms protectively across her chest. 'I need my pajamas…" she said quietly._

_ Tony sprung up so quickly that he knocked the remote onto the floor. "I'll get them!" he practically yelled as he rushed over to where her suit case was. He carried her bag over to her and set it down on the edge of the bed. Ziva thanked him and began to rummage through her clothes. "Dammit!" she mumbled when she came across what she had brought to sleep in. She had not been planning on sharing a room with Tony when she packed so she only had a skimpy tank top and a pair of loose fitting pajama shorts to sleep in. As Ziva struggled with her predicament Tony seemed to sense her struggle and went back over to his bag. He dug around for a minute and pulled out one of his old OSU t-shirts. 'Here' he said kindly as he handed her the shirt. 'You can sleep in this.' _

_Ziva had been shocked at his gesture. She took the shirt and looked up at him quizickly. 'You do realize that if you had not given me this I would have slept in this right?' she asked as she held up her low cut light blue tank top. 'I know.' Tony said with a smile. 'That's why I gave you my shirt.' Now Ziva was just confused and a little hurt. 'You did not want to see me in this?' she asked almost sadly. 'What no of course not! I would love to see you in that… I mean… uh… You just looked torn…. and I… did not want you to be uncomfortable all night…' Ziva took pity on him and cut him off. 'Thank you Tony, that was very sweet. You can shower now, I'm done.'_

_Tony had practically run to the bathroom and closed the door. Ziva smiled and slipped the shirt over her head and pulled on her pajama bottoms. When Tony came out of the bathroom he found her sitting against the head board with the covers pulled up to her waist, nose deep in a book. He smiled and walked over to his suit case to grab his pajamas only to remember he had given her his shirt. As he stood there lost in thought he didn't notice that Ziva had set down her book and was staring at him. 'Is something wrong Tony?' she asked. Tony turned to face her and smiled. 'Nope everything is just fine…' 'Then why are you still in just your boxers?' Ziva asked as she here eyes roamed over his exposed muscular chest. Tony cringed. 'Um… I kind of gave you my pajama shirt…' Ziva laughed. 'Okay, then come to bed.' _

_Tony let out a sigh of relief and crawled into bed next to her. 'You tired?' He asked as he reached for the remote on the bedside table. 'No, not really.' Ziva said as she closed her book and set it next to her gun on the bedside table. 'Wanna watch a movie then?' Tony asked, already scrolling through to find one that was in English. He finally settled on one he hadn't seen and leaned back against the pillows. Throughout the course of the film Ziva's head had ended up on his shoulder with his arm wrapped around her waist trailing shapes against the exposed skin on her hips. _

_The movie ended and Tony switched the TV off. He looked down and realized she was asleep so he reached out and turned out the light and slowly shifted so that they were lying down. Ziva's head was still on his shoulder and his arm was wrapped protectively around her waist. He couldn't get over how young and peaceful she looked when she was asleep. Eventually her even breathing and quiet snores lulled him to sleep. He was woken by a sudden pain in his gut hours later. "AHHH!" he yelled as he sprung up and reached for his gun. When he realized they were alone he set his weapon back down and leaned back. That's when he heard the muffled sobs and saw the tears running down Ziva's cheeks. She was shaking with her knees brought up to her chest. _

_Tony felt his heart shatter for the woman next to him. He knew that she was struggling since the rescued her, but this was the first time he was actually confronted with her pain. He didn't know what to do. Afraid of how she might react if he touched her Tony opted for just talking to her. 'Hey Zi.' He said quietly. 'It's me Tony. We are in Paris protecting a witness. Do you remember? You are back with NCIS. You are safe Ziva. He can't hurt you anymore.' At that Ziva looked up at Tony and rubbed her puffy red eyes. 'How did you know?' she whispered as she crawled over to him and let him wrap his arms around her tightly as she continued to cry. 'Shhhhh….' He whispered. 'It's ok, I got you Zi. You are safe. I promise I will never let anyone hurt you again.' _

_Finally Ziva stopped crying and sat back to look up at him. Tony reached out and wiped away her remaining tears with his thumbs. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. 'Better?' he asked as he stroked her hair. 'How can you do it Tony?' Ziva asked in bewilderment as she stared at Tony. 'Do what?' he asked, clearly confused by her cryptic question. 'How can you look at me like that after everything I have been through? I am not the same person I was before and if you knew all of things that happened to me… You… would want nothing to do with me…" she said as she felt the tears begin to roll down her cheeks once again. _

_'But I already know everything I need to Zi.' Ziva just looked at him, imploring him to continue. He pulled her against his chest again and resumed stroking her hair. 'I know what those men did to you Ziva.' He whispered quietly. Ziva felt her breath hitch. 'How?' she asked just as quietly. 'Saleem took videos Zi...' Ziva's eyes went wide and she shot out of Tony's embrace. ' Did you…' 'Yes Zi I watched them.' He said sadly. 'They arrived at my house 2 days after I was told that you died. I didn't know what they were until I put them in, and when I realized they were of you I could not stop watching them. I stayed up all night watching them and called in sick the next day to finish them. I lost it Zi. I couldn't believe what those men did to you. I was furious that your father let them do this to you and I was furious that no one had tried to save you. But mostly I was mad at myself.'_

_'Why?' Was her only answer, so Tony continued. 'It was my fault you stayed in Israel. I thought that if I hadn't killed Michael you would have come home with us and then you wouldn't be dead. I meant what I told you the day I rescued you Zi. I can't live without you. I lost my will to live, and the next day when I was at my desk I couldn't pretend anymore. Every time I looked up I was faced with your empty desk, and all of the videos would come rushing back. I told Gibbs we needed to avenge you, but my real plan was to die seeking revenge. I think Gibbs knew though, because he sent McGee with me to make sure that I fought to get back out. And when Saleem brought you in it was like my life finally had a purpose again. I…I would have given anything to have you back and suddenly there you were. It was my wildest dreams come true, and I was so happy when we brought you home. But I slowly began to realize you weren't the same. You left a part of yourself behind in the desert and you are trying to figure out how to live without her. And I'm not sure what to do. I want to be here for you, I want you to know that I will do whatever you want, be whoever you need as long as you are happy again Zi. Because that is all that matters to me.' _

_'All this time you knew?' she asked in amazement. 'And you aren't disgusted by me, by the fact that I stopped fighting back, that I let those awful men rape me?' She asked as she searched his face for the answer. By now Tony's eyes were glassy too. 'Nope.' He said with a sad smile. 'It showed me once again that you are a fighter, that you can survive anything. It just makes me love you more.' Ziva looked up at him in awe, did he just say that he loved her? She smiled, but something was still weighing on her mind. 'Why didn't you kiss me then?' 'Ziva David did you just use a contraction?' Tony deflected. 'Tony…' Ziva warned. 'Right sorry… I… when?' 'Tonight, when you caught me…I …I thought you were going to kiss me when you whispered in my ear.' Tony blushed and looked up at her sheepishly. 'I wasn't sure how you would respond… I didn't want to pressure you, or make you feel uncomfortable.' 'What if I want you too?' she asked as she stared at his confused expression. _

_' Well… Then… I would do this.' Tony said as he took a deep breath and tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned in. He placed a feather light kiss on her lips and pulled away to gauge Ziva's reaction. She still had her eyes closed, so he decided to kiss her again. He leaned in and he felt Ziva wrap her arms around his neck and pull him closer to her, effectively holding him in place. This kiss was longer, but no less caring. Tony was gently as he ran his fingers through her hair and traced her bottom lip with his tongue. Much to his surprise she parted her lips for him. He gingerly began to explore her mouth as she did the same. Slowly, the kiss became more heated and as their tongues began to battle for dominance Tony pulled back. 'Ziva…' he murmured against her lips as they gasped for air. 'Please don't stop.' She whispered as she leaned up to kiss him again. 'Ziva…'Tony tried to protest again as he pulled away. 'You said you would do anything I need right?' 'Of course!' Tony replied automatically._

_'Well I need this Tony.' 'Ziva I already told you that I saw what happened, and it's obvious that I still want you. I do not want you to do this right now because you feel like you need to prove that to anyone. ' he said as he pulled Ziva closer until she could feel his growing erection pressing against her stomach. 'Oh so that is not your knee?' she asked playfully, trying desperately to hide the blush growing on her cheeks. Tony laughed. 'No, and you know damn well it never was, but Zi it's too soon. You are still healing and you do not need to do this right now. Trust me that I want to and I have wanted to for years, but I am more than willing to wait. I will wait for you forever Ziva.' 'You promise?' She asked quietly as she leaned in to kiss him one last time before pulling away and settling down on his chest. 'I promise.' He said confidently as he wrapped her back up in his arms and kissed the top of her head. An hour or so later once Ziva felt his breathing even out she placed a feather light kiss over his heart and whispered 'I love you too.'_

* * *

"Did you mean it?" Ziva asked finally, snapping both of them out of their flashback. "Of course I did Ziva." Tony replies not missing a beat. He and Ziva had always known exactly what the other was thinking without having to ask. Even now, two years since they had kissed in Paris, Tony could still remember what it felt like to kiss her, to run his hands through her curly hair, and he knew immediately what she was asking about. "What about EJ?" Ziva asked shyly, looking down at her hands. Tony couldn't help but chuckle at her obvious jealousy before replying "Even she knew my heart belongs to someone else." Ziva's head shot up and she stared at him wide-eyed, but Tony only smiled and asked "What about CI-Ray?" looking up at Zvia to gauge her reaction. He noticed her cringe slightly before steeling her features and looking up at Tony boldly. "He did not stand a chance."

"Is that so?" Tony asked with a smirk. "And why is that?" "Because my heart belongs to someone else." Ziva repeated his words with timid smile and when she finally looked up to meet Tony's eyes she noticed that he was grinning at her. "Oh really?" he asked as he slowly leaned in closer to her. "Care to share who this lucky man is?" Ziva glanced down at Tony's lips before her gaze slowly drifted back to his eyes. "Depends." She whispered as their noses touched. "On what?" Tony asked, his lips grazing hers as he spoke. "On whether or not he kisses me." And with that Tony leaned in and captured her lips with his. His hands came up to cup the side of her face as he kissed her harder. He was surprised to find that she met his desire with a force of her own as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.

When they finally broke apart both of them were gasping for air, their cheeks flushed, and their lips swollen. Tony began to trail kisses along her jaw and down across her collar bone and when her shirt prevented him from going any further he stopped and looked up at her, silently asking her if he could remove it. Ziva reached down, pulled it off, and tossed it across the room. Tony noticed for the first time that evening that she was not wearing a bra. He began to trail kisses down the scars on her breasts and abdomen. Ziva felt her breath hitch when she realized what he was doing. None of the men she had been with had been this loving to her and she couldn't help but smile. Tony came off as such a playboy but she had always known that underneath his womanizing façade he was a romantic. When Tony reached the scars that peaked out above the waist band of her pants he stopped and looked up at her again.

"You know I meant the other thing too right?" he asked quietly, almost as if he didn't want her to hear him. "What other thing?" Ziva asked in bewilderment. She was having trouble remembering to breath, let alone something he had said two years ago. "That your scars only make me love you more." And there it was, love. The word that meant so much to Ziva when she heard it all those years ago she couldn't believe she had almost forgotten. "I know." She whispered as she pulled his face back up to hers to kiss him again. When they broke away this time it was Ziva who spoke first. "Make love to me Tony." She said confidently, positive that she wanted nothing more in the world than to have him be that close to her. And this time Tony did not hesitate, he leaned down and gave her one last kiss before he scooped her up in his arms and carried her into her bedroom.

* * *

Hours later Ziva lay naked wrapped up in Tony's arms, their legs tangled between the crumpled sheets, her head resting on his chest as she listened to his heart beat. She smiled as she remembered lying in a similar position back when they were in Paris. And as her finger trailed nameless patterns in his chest hair she couldn't help but think that Tony was right. She wasn't ready that night, not matter how much she would have liked to tell herself otherwise. She may have wanted him then but she wasn't ready to admit that he could possibly want her. Suddenly overcome with gratitude that Tony had done what was best for her, even though it wasn't what she thought she wanted, Ziva leaned up and gently kissed Tony again. "What was that for?" he asked smiling as she pulled away. "Waiting for me."She said as she settled back against his chest. "I told you Zi, I would wait for you forever. I meant it then, and I mean it now." "I love you Anthony." was the last thing Ziva murmured before she fell asleep that night. Tony smiled and kissed her hair "I love you too Ziva." He whispered before he too drifted off to sleep.


End file.
